


Hypnos

by Serendipity_Stupidity



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Blow Jobs, Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death, Fluff and Angst, Gay Manpain, Gay Sex, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Pining, Spoilers (Up To Chapter 72), attack on titan - Freeform, shingeki no kyojin - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-18
Updated: 2015-09-18
Packaged: 2018-04-21 10:07:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4824803
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Serendipity_Stupidity/pseuds/Serendipity_Stupidity
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi Ackerman dies on a Tuesday afternoon, but by then humanity had long stopped counting down the days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hypnos

_Hypnos, brother of Thanatos, son of Nyx._

_Sleep, brother of death, son of the night._

 

The first time it happens, it's a Thursday night, closing in on 3 in the morning, and Erwin had just gotten back.

He had been in the Capital for the better part of two days, settling a debate on whether or not there should be a cut in expenses for the expeditions.

There hadn't been any new information on the Titans in weeks, and the verdict had been to cut the money by 40%.

Exhaustion was taught in his spine, sharp in the gap between his shoulder blades as he closed the heavy door as gently as he could.

It was Recon Corps routine to be in bed by 9, in order to get the rest they needed to be fully alert on expeditions. It was silent throughout the base, as was expected in the early hours of the day.

However, there was a dark head of pitch black hair spilling over two wiry, pale arms, propped up on the mahogany table closest to the door.

That was unexpected.

"Levi?"

The body didn't move, and if Erwin hadn't seen his shoulders rise and fall with the movement of his breathing, he would have considered the possibility that Hanji had finally killed him for science.

He contemplated letting him sleep, but the table didn't look particularly comfortable, and the Corporal was an irritable guy at the best of times, let alone with a crick in his neck.

So, decision made, he awkwardly shifted around his Second in Command, realising that if he attempted to carry the man to bed and he woke up, it would result in a swift death.

Instead, he placed a hand to his shoulder and jostled him gently, drawing him slowly out of sleep.

"Fwah?" 

If Erwin had been any less tired, that might have sparked a smile out of him. As it was, he gave a small huff of amusement and continued to nudge him awake.

"You need to go to bed," He urged, softly, as if speaking to a small child.

It had been his experience that whilst sleepy, Levi was at his most petulant. Something sharp and wicked inside Erwin's mind reminded him that perhaps Levi hadn't had the chance to be a child. He had to grow up too fast.  

"You didn't tell me you were going to the Capital."

When Erwin looks down at him this time, he finds him fully awake, piercing eyes still as intimidating even though his hair was mussed with sleep and his right cheek was still pink from where it had been pressed to his arm.

"I wasn't aware you needed to be informed of my every move," He returned, but there was no heat to his words, it was softly teasing at most.

Still, there was a brief moment where Levi blushed up to his ears, before turning his face sharply away in embarrassment, and it reminded Erwin desperately of the days when he first met him, the savage little thing that he was. All vicious looks and biting remarks until someone mentioned his height or his slight figure and the very tips of his ears would flare bright red.

"As your Second in Command, I should be made aware of your political movements that directly affect the expeditions that I, and my team, partake in."

Erwin is 72% sure that that was the exact phrasing in the rule book, and he is 90% sure he is too old for this bullshit, so instead of a dignified response, he goes with,

"You make me go all hot when you talk eloquent."

He's fairly certain Levi is going to choke on his tongue after that, especially after his entire face goes ten shades of pink and his eyes go wide with shock.

He splutters a little before finally managing a strangled, "I'm going to bed,” whilst hurriedly standing and making his way to the stairwell.

"Good, good," Erwin hums, a small half smile on his face as he watches Levi take the stairs two at a time, expression fond.

Instead of heading to bed himself, he lingers a while, eyes drifting back to the place Levi had been sat before Erwin had so thoroughly ruffled his feathers.

His hand finds itself pressed to the wood where Levi's head had been, and he huffs out an amused noise before he shakes his head to himself and lets his tired legs carry him up the stairs.

  

* * *

 

The second time it happens, Erwin was returning from an expedition, one which had been lacking Corporal Levi due to the fact that he had injured his ankle falling from a spooked horse.

Erwin was a little worse for wear upon his return, having to spend 4 hours in a recovery ward to have a nasty gash on his leg stitched up. He had a few bruises blooming on his skin that he was sure would hurt in the morning, so he was looking forward to the few hours of blank oblivion sleep managed to offer.

Sadly, Levi had other plans.

In all honestly, Erwin had almost stepped on him, having been distracted by the straining task of unbuttoning his own shirt in order to slip into bed as soon as possible.

Erwin blinks, a little owlishly, once, twice, before confirming that, yes, Corporal Levi was indeed asleep, tucked up against the door of Erwin's room.

He takes a few moments to simply stare, take in the marvel that was Levi's sleeping face, half covered by the sweep of his hair, before settling into a crouch next to him. He reaches forward and tucks the hair behind his ear, sees the sharp line of his jaw, the usually stern face relaxed into something younger, more innocent perhaps.

Bizarrely, Erwin finds that Levi looks even smaller tucked into himself this way, dwarfed by the expanse of the door.

"Levi," He calls, softly, but Levi does not stir. He leans slightly closer, and calls his name again, and this time Levi twitches his nose, and his eyebrows draw together. Erwin smiles.

"Levi, I know you can hear me."

His eyebrows twitch once more, before his eyes begin the flutter open, and Erwin thinks of princesses who prick their fingers on spinning needles.

This image is shortly diffused as soon as Levi registers Erwin's proximity and he makes a noise not dissimilar to the spooked horse before rearing his head back and slamming it into Erwin's door.

Erwin feels himself wince out of pure sympathy, and when he opens his eyes Levi is bitterly rubbing his head with a sour expression.

"Did you get lost on your way to your room?"

Levi stops rubbing his head then, and Erwin doesn't miss the way his cheeks dust pink for a second.

"I was," Levi seems to consider his options."Cleaning."

"With your bare hand?"

Levi realised then, and only then, that he hasn't even a dust rag to defend himself.

"Hanji must have taken my duster," He responds, with all the authority his sleep deprived state can muster.

"Of course," Erwin muses, nodding in mock seriousness.

Levi huffs in clear annoyance, glaring up at Erwin from underneath his eyelashes, but Erwin just smiles at him pleasantly.

"If it's all the same to you, I'd like to go to bed,"He tells him, making a pointed look at the door he was leaning up against.

Levi seems to realise where he is then, eyes going a little wide before he stands stiffly, shifting most of his weight to his uninjured leg.

Erwin himself flinches a little when he stands, remembering a little too late that he shouldn't be putting so much strain on his stitches so early on. But then he catches a flash of pain that goes over Levi's face when he attempts to step away from the door, the way his right arm leans heavily against the wall and Erwin feels something give in his chest.

"Need a hand?"

It's said with a soft sincerity that Erwin reserves for his closest friends, and it's still met with a look that could mentally scar a small child. Or in this case, a 6"2 man who sorely misses his bed.

Regardless, his right arm finds its way around Levi's trim waist, and after a short litany of hissed protests, Erwin feels the smaller man huff in defeat and lean a little more against him.

"Satisfied?"

Erwin smiles at how he knows Levi is blushing just from the bitter tone of his voice.

"Very."

  

* * *

 

The third time comes around, weeks after the second, and Erwin is in no mood to deal with Levi's lithe body draped over the stone steps.

His patience had been drawn far too thin, politics and paperwork and petty complaints from the Military Police swirling around in his sleep deprived mind enough to make him want to pull his hair out.

But oh, he had to keep his composure, not get riled up or snap his retort to those snivelling higher ups. He had to keep his cool, as the respectable Commander that he was.

He didn't have time for Levi's fragile masculinity and his blushing cheeks today, so he nudges him once, hard enough to startle him awake the first time.

"Go to bed."

There's not a hint of softness in his tone this time, it is a short, bitten order that he expects to be obeyed.

And as expected of his Second in Command, Levi is immediately at attention, nodding in confirmation and turning to leave.

"Levi,"

He turns back around, face blank and open to command. There's a sick part of Erwin's mind that likes him like this.

"Be in my office by 9 o' clock tomorrow morning."

"Yes, sir," His voice is steady, but he hesitates before turning around fully, watches Erwin out of the corner of his vision. "Are you...alright?"

Erwin looks him dead in the eye.

" _Bed_ , Corporal."

He doesn't miss the way Levi shivers at that before he turns to leave, a subtle shudder that starts in the base of his feet and telegraphs up his spine.

For a moment, he wonders if he was too harsh, before brushing that thought away.

If anyone can take a harsh command, it's Corporal Levi.

 

* * *

 

The next day, the bitter mood had followed Erwin into the morning like a dark cloud.

It seemed to seep into the corners of his office, hide amongst the books on his shelves, drip into the ink on his pen.

9 o'clock sharp, and there was the sharp wrap of knuckles on his door.

Erwin looked up, sighing as he put down his pen.

“Come in.”

Levi is in his uniform, looking as put together and as dour as usual. He steps into the room, closing the door behind him with a soft click.

Erwin nods at his mandatory salute and Levi settles into stationary.

“Commander.”

“Corporal.” He acknowledges, sliding his fingers together and settling his joined hands on his desk.

Levi takes one look at Erwin’s clasped hands, and he knows.

“You’re angry,” It’s not a question.

“You’re perceptive,” Erwin returns in kind. “I’d ask you to take a seat, but I like you standing.”

There’s a split second where Levi’s eyes narrow, and Erwin feels a thrill go through him at having dredged up the delinquent part of his Corporal. 

But he doesn't let it show.

“I want to discuss your,” Erwin lets the words find him, sit on the tip of his tongue. “Newfound propensity for sleeping in…unusual places.” 

“Ah,” Levi says simply, face blank.

If Erwin wanted to wait until Levi freely gave up information, he’d be waiting for a long time. Erwin knew this.

“Firstly,” He began, wanting this to be concise. “I’m going to ask you why.”

Levi was silent, watching Erwin watch him. There was an inherently feline effect to his eyes, the way they bored into you, with a lazy predatory grace of a creature very high up on the food chain.

But Erwin was higher.

“And then,” He continued, as if ignoring Levi’s disobedience completely. “I’m going to ask you to stop.”

And there it was again, that flicker of delinquency, only there for a second. As much as Erwin loved that streak of misconduct, he was in no mood to pander to his subordinates defiant side.

“Are you sleepwalking?”

Levi’s scoff is enough to confirm how preposterous an idea that is.

“No, sir.”

“Are you ill?”

The question is not without a healthy dose of derision, for Erwin knows Levi well enough by now to know when he isn’t in optimum physical condition.

Levi’s eyes show that the note of concern, despite knowing he is fine, did not go unnoticed. 

“No, sir.”

“Are you overworked?”

Any trace of lingering amusement is quickly gone from Levi’s face, and replaced by anger.

Erwin knows how to press his buttons, and suggesting he was unable to cope with the workload was humiliating, if not utterly debasing to a man with as much pride as Levi.

“No, sir.” This time it’s said through clenched teeth, and Erwin bites back a grin.

“Are your sleeping quarters unsatisfactory?”

“No, sir.”

“Is your  _bed_  unsatisfactory?”

Levi looks positively feral.

“No,  _sir_.”

Erwin brings his hand down onto the table hard, and stands abruptly, staring Levi down.

“Then  _sleep in it!_ ” 

He doesn't miss the way Levi startles, however briefly. He doesn't miss the way his eyes go a little wide, and how his stance gets thrown off.

He realises this is the first time he’s yelled at him since those first few weeks when he met him.

“Have I been understood?”

Levi is looking at him like he doesn't quite know his place, like he doesn't know where to stand, and he doesn't respond.

“I can’t have you littering the corridors at night, Levi. It’s hazardous, what if there had been an alarm call? You’re in the way, and you’ve been an inconvenience more than once. If you can’t give me a perfectly good reason as to why you are doing it, then I won’t have you doing it at all. So I’ll ask you again; have I been understood?”

The Corporal had composed himself by the time Erwin had finished, returning to the default position, and regarded his Commander with a expressionless face.

“Yes, sir.”

And with that, he leaves.

Erwin makes the decision to inform Hanji of his behaviour, and have her give him a reason.

It wasn't like Levi was going to.

  

* * *

 

It’s five weeks later that Erwin Smith loses his right arm. In all that time, Levi hadn't slept outside of his quarters, as far as the Commander knew. 

But on the night that Erwin is carried in, to the recovery room on a stretcher, Levi sleeps next to him. In a chair that was fair too rigid for sleeping, but he sleeps all the same. And he doesn't sleep in his own bed until Erwin has recovered enough to open his eyes, and sit up on his own.

“Corporal,” Is the first word Erwin says, when he notices him in his chair.

“Commander,” It’s said in kind, with a curt nod, and that’s all the acknowledgement he gets before Levi stands, salutes, and leaves the room.

 

* * *

 

The next time they see each other, they learn the truth about what Titans really are.

That night, Levi doesn’t sleep at all.

 

* * *

 

Erwin really shouldn't be surprised.

Honestly, he shouldn't. He should've guessed by the way Levi had been sticking closer to him recently, always on his right side, as if shielding his weakness. It reminded Erwin of a guard dog, if he's being completely honest. 

One of the small ones, that yap a lot.

He had been inside Wall Sina for the majority of three days, carrying out the plan to reveal the governments priorities in case of an attack. It had gone as exactly as he'd hoped, even with Pixis' twist with Zackley. The men in government had been exposed as the filthy fucking rats they were.

But, that was irrelevant in this situation. Because Levi was asleep again, somewhere he shouldn't be. More specifically, the floor of Erwin's room, leaning against his bed.

Erwin looked at the sharp lines of his face, softened in sleep. At the dark shadows under his eyes, and he didn't have the heart to tell him to leave, but he also didn't have the means to carry him to his own room. Not anymore. 

Instead, he turns down the lamp at his bedside to a simmer, and kneels beside him.

"Levi," He says, softly, under his breath. "Come to bed."

Levi makes a faint noise, in the back of his throat, a small groan of protest and Erwin can't help but be amused.

"Levi, come on," Erwin places his hand on his shoulder, encourages him to wake up.

The Corporal's eyes open in small flickers, and even then his vision still looks bleary from sleep. Erwin smiles and pats the bed with his palm.

"You should sleep in a bed, Levi, come on,"

Levi yawns, blinks a few more times, before standing. He's a little uncertain on his feet, disorientated still, so Erwin steadies him.

"Take this off," He suggests, motioning to Levi's jacket, and helps him take it off once he'd shrugged it down his shoulders."And these," He tugs on the leather straps of his uniform, secured tight around his chest, hips and thighs.

He helps Levi unbuckle them, and despite his handicap, his hand is fluent, the actions of doing up and undoing his own uniform having been ingrained into his muscle memory after years and years of monotony.

He slides the leather boots off of Levi's legs, undoes his belt, slips off his slacks. Then, Levi is sat on his bed, in nothing but a uniform shirt that pools around his thighs.

Now. Erwin is not usually one to stare, having lost interest in physical attributes since... Well, since Marie, if he's being honest. But there's always those moments, those flickered still life captures, where Erwin finds himself staring far too long at his subordinate. His slim fingers, his trim waist. His eyelashes and his red mouth and his throat. Now, though, his attention is drawn to his legs. Levi has always had a slight figure, dainty isn't a word he'd use aloud, but it suited him. Especially looking at his legs in that moment, dainty is the word he'd choose. Slender, white in the moonlight, splashed in the warm tint of the candle to his right.

There were red marks slashed across where his leather straps were too tight.

Erwin isn't a tactile man, but in that moment he wanted to taste. He wanted to press his teeth to Levi's inner thigh, bite down, mark him up, bruise him. He wanted to dig his fingers into his hips, pin him to the bed, breathe him in.

Erwin was not a lot of things, it seemed, but Levi managed to changed all that.

“Commander?”

Levi was looking at him as though he could see every filthy thought in his head.

Maybe he could.

“Levi.” He was fully awake now, and Erwin noticed the shiver elicited at his name on his tongue. He was looking up at him from under his eyelashes, eyes flashing dangerously in the candlelight.

“This is not my room.”  It wasn't a question, but Erwin opted to answer none the less.

“No, it is not,” He said, calmly, without any hint of tone. “It’s mine.”

“Why have you undressed me?”

Erwin could be wrong, but he would swear he could detect a hint of hesitation in the resolve of Levi’s question.

“I was putting you to bed,” He answers, simply, still no inflection.

“In your bed, Commander?”

Ah. That was definitely anger.

“Well,” Erwin smiled, a soft little thing, self-depreciating and crooked. “I could hardly carry you to your own bed, Corporal.”

Levi visibly flinched. It wasn't controlled, or quickly masked up afterwards. It was this vulnerable, open look, and a tension that telegraphed to the very tips of his fingers.

They seldom talked of Erwin’s disability so blatantly. He looked devastated.

“Levi,” Erwin sighed, closing his eyes. He was exhausted, and he didn’t want to fight with Levi, so he instead he shook his head, and sat down next to him.

He’s felt the hostility radiating off of his subordinate ever since he lost his arm. If all that anger, and lack of sleep, had been building up to this, then he would deal with it calmly. He will not raise his voice, not when Levi looked so utterly beaten down.

“You’ve been losing sleep.”

Levi doesn't look at him.

“You’re strong, Levi,” Erwin tells him. “But if you carry on like this, you won’t be able to function. And right now - ” He stretches his fingers of his left hand, clenches them into a fist. “Right now, I need you more than ever.”

That’s what it takes for Levi to finally look at him, eyes wide. He looked terrified.

“If all of this is pressuring you, after what happened to your team -  if you need time to adjust to it, tell me,” He urges, looking back down to the floor. “I’d rather you take the time you need now, than make a mistake outside those walls.”

When he looks up to gauge his reaction, he wasn't expecting blind anger, but that’s what he gets. He gets Levi standing in front of him, eyes ablaze. He gets his taut jaw and his clenched teeth and these bitter words;

“You lose your arm, and you tell  _me_  to take some time to adjust? You tell me I can rest if I want, whilst you're awake, outside the walls, on  _Titan grounds?_  You want me to just  _sit here? Whilst you can barely see through the pain?”_

“Levi - ”

“You think I don’t see it? You think nobody notices? What you’re _doing to yourself -_ ”

Erwin can’t remember the last time he’s hit Levi outside of sparring. He can’t remember ever wanting to.

But Levi’s head was turned left, a look of shock on his face, a handprint on his cheek.

“Don’t you dare,” Erwin’s voice was cold, spiteful. Even to his ears, it felt detached, as if someone else was saying it. Still, he didn't stop.

He took the few steps needed to take Levi’s jaw in his hand, turn his face towards him.

“Don’t forget your place, Corporal. You will keep your personal relationship with me, and my duty as a Commander, separate -  is that understood?”

Levi pulled away from him, his face shutting down. He looked like a blank slate, ready to take orders, ready to obey. In that moment, Erwin despised that look. Hated that he had inspired it. 

He wasn’t supposed to raise his voice.

“Yes, sir.” Comes the default response, and Erwin hardens his resolve.

“I tolerate some of your more…defiant actions, Corporal. I tolerate your smart mouth, and your violent methods. But I will not tolerate  _pity_.”

Levi looks like he wants to say something, desperately, but he bites his tongue, nods his head, and Erwin takes that as incentive to continue.

“I don’t particularly care how you feel about me, Corporal,” He goes on, and the wince Levi gives does not go unnoticed. “You may hate me for this, despise my command over you. But I will not have your pity. Not now, not ever - is that understood?”

Levi looks torn between what he wants to say and what he has to say, and there’s a look in his eyes that says there is so much more to this than Erwin can comprehend right now. And Erwin is so tired, so beaten down by the day he’s had, by the looks his Corporal has been giving him.

So he stands, picks up his jacket he’d laid on the bed and turns to Levi.

“You sleep here tonight,” It’s not a suggestive tone. “I’ll take your bed.”

“Yes, sir.”

It’s the last two words he hears before he goes to sleep.

 

* * *

 

When Erwin returns to his room the next day, his bed is made and Levi is gone.

There’s the scent of him still, on the sheets. Soap and fresh cut grass, like always.

Levi doesn't catch his eye for 2 weeks after that.

 

* * *

 

The next time they're alone together, Levi is pressing the door to Erwin’s office closed behind him, locking the others out.

Then he’s threatening to break Erwin’s legs if he attempts to retake Wall Maria in his current state.

Erwin can’t help but laugh, because he knows Levi would. He knows that if Levi weren't so bound by his proclivity to let others choose - in order to protect himself from the responsibility of consequence - Erwin would already be in a med ward by now.

He knows by the look in his eyes, the tone of his voice. The way he held himself, like they were back in the underground, back in Levi’s territory.

Because with all his sharp edged grace, he would always be an underdog at heart. With all his cleanliness and order, he will always have a foul mouth, and a serpent's wit.

He will always challenge authority, and he will twist and fracture and manipulate until he gets his way.

Erwin has always loved that about him.

But he has made his choice, and Levi is nodding his head, leaving without a word.

 

* * *

 

Levi gets his way in the heart of the night, drunk on the ale from the celebration.

He sneaks into Erwin’s room, and Erwin is sat awake on his bed, reading in the light of the lamp at his bedside.

Erwin thinks he says Levi’s name, but he isn't sure, because Levi is on his lap, taking the book out of his hand, and kissing him squarely on the mouth.

Even drunk, his aim is impeccable.

“You’re drunk, Levi,” Erwin tells him, clearly amused.

Levi’s eyes flicker in the light.

“Perhaps,” He says, darkly. “But you still want me.”

Erwin smiles, but it is not unkind. “Perhaps.”

Levi presses his palm to the strain of Erwin’s cock, with just enough pressure to make him shiver.

“A little more than perhaps,” Levi tells him.

Erwin puts Levi on his back, just so he can feel in control, looking down at the feral creature below him. His mouth is red, bruised from the kiss, and his pupils are blown.

He looks thoroughly fucked, and Erwin hasn't even touched him yet. It’s a good look on him.

Levi’s wearing all black, out of his uniform for once, and it contrasts with his skin so sharply he may as well have been grafted from paper. Erwin sees his throat, exposed by the dip in the collar of his shirt, and he can’t help himself.

He bites down on skin, the juncture between his throat and shoulder, hard enough to draw blood, and Levi makes a noise like it’s the closest to God he’s ever felt.

It’s no secret that his subordinate gets off on pain, it’s rather difficult not to in their line of work, but Erwin doesn't make him bleed again.

He keeps the iron taste of blood on his tongue as he drags his teeth down Levi’s chest, until his spine arches, until his jaw aches from trying to keep in his voice.

When Levi whimpers, he pulls away, settles back on his heels, admires the marks he’s made.

“Undress,” He says, and it’s open, not an order.

Still, Levi is quick to do as he’s told, taking off his boots, his shirt, his slacks.

Soon, he’s naked but for his undergarment, dark grey with a wet patch at the tip of his cock.

When Erwin meets his eyes, there’s a challenge in them, as if Levi is daring Erwin to touch him, make the first move.

Erwin smiles.

“I can always wait,” He tells him, lightly, and Levi’s eyes flash in anger.

Then Levi is pulling him down by the collar of his shirt, biting Erwin’s bottom lip with his sharp teeth, and Erwin’s smile turns into a grin.

“You impatient little thing,” Erwin sighs against his lips, and before he can say anything more, Levi is sucking his tongue, dragging his fingernails down Erwin’s back.

It’s all a little hedonistic after that, a slow motion blur of teeth and skin and sharp words.

Erwin holds Levi down with a forearm across his hips as he sucks Levi’s cock, and Levi grips the sheets until his legs shake.

Erwin gives Levi what he wants, but he doesn't take much. He doesn't let his eyes wander, nor his hand. He teases with his tongue, and tightens his throat until Levi comes in white hot bursts.

He does not take it to mean more than it did, a way of release, something to deal with stress.

It was not uncommon among soldiers; people who have to deal with the grit and agony and the unforgiving wasteland that lay beyond the walls seldom felt comfort beyond violence. Giving into the primal urges of fighting or fucking was usually the way to relieve it.

Besides all that, Erwin was not unaware of the recent tension between himself and his subordinate as of late. Perhaps this would ease it a little.

He hoped it would at least quench the bitter looks Levi had been giving him, if nothing else.

With that in mind, he leaves to get a damp cloth to clean Levi up. But when he returns, Levi is gone.

Well, he should expect nothing less of his Corporal, on the night before they retake Wall Maria.

 

* * *

 

The next time they touch, they are both atop the wall they have retaken, and Levi is dying in his arms. His chest has been torn open, having freed Erwin from the clasp of a Titan but suffered the consequence of turning his back.

His front is a mess of bloody flesh and ribs protruding from his skin, but he remains alive for a few minutes more, stubborn as he is.

Erwin cradles him against his chest with his left arm, and Levi is looking up at him with the same expression he wore when he saw the sky outside the walls for the first time, all those years ago.

Erwin is choking on his words, telling him to just stay awake until the medics get to him, but Levi gives him a small smile, and says they will be far too late.

“What is the mission status?” Levi asks him, his words brittle from the dried blood in his throat.

“Wall Maria has been retaken,” Erwin tells him, and the words don’t inspire any pride in his chest, not as they should. Not with Levi bleeding to death in front of him. “You shouldn't talk - ”

“Has the basement been located?” Levi drives on, disregarding Erwin’s warning.

Erwin draws in a shaky breath, and manages to respond with a meek;

“Yes, Eren is on his way there now.”

“Why are you not with him?” His voice is bitter with newfound anger.

“Levi - ”

“Are you telling me my sacrifice was for nothing?”

Erwin’s eyes widen in shock.

“Are you telling me after all I did, to keep you alive, you will not be there to see them open the basement?”

Erwin doesn't respond for a long while, he cannot. He feels his breath burn his lungs and for the first time in 15 years, he wants to cry.

“Levi,” He says, when he is finally able to speak. “You think the basement, with all the secrets in the world, is more important to me - than _you?”_

Erwin watches as the anger leaves him, as it is washed away and replaced by a look so vulnerable he doubts he’s ever seen it on another human being, let alone someone like Levi.

His eyes look like water, his mouth trembles, and he looks like someone had just stepped on his open chest. But then the expression is gone, and he turns his face into Erwin’s shoulder, as if he wants to hide whatever he was feeling from the rest of the Earth.

“You bastard,” He hisses, voice vicious with rage. “You fucking bastard!”

His shoulders begin to shake, and Erwin realises Levi is crying, sobbing into his chest. So Erwin just holds him, tries to offer what little comfort he can.

“Go!” Levi screams at him, clutches his shirt, hitting his chest with his fist. “You should be there, more then anyone - ! Go!”

“Shh,” Erwin hushes him, stroking his hair until he stops hitting his chest. He feels the moment Levi gives in. “I’m not going anywhere.”

“You bastard,” He repeats, choking on a sob, but there’s no heat behind his words, not anymore. “You bastard.”

“I know,” Erwin says, hums a small humourless laugh. He knows Levi doesn't have long left, and he’s long given up on the hope that medics will be able to do anything, even if they get here in time.

So he holds him until he stops crying and finally looks up at Erwin with his tear-streaked face. He huffs a little noise of pained amusement, a small watery laugh, like he always knew he was going to die like this, it was only a matter of time.

Still, Erwin smiles down at him, even as he feels the tears welling up, even as they spill down his face, drip onto Levi’s cheeks, lips and throat.

“I want you to promise me something,” Levi asks, and before he’d even finished Erwin is nodding, anything, everything.

Levi takes that as permission to continue.

“I want you to see the basement, and survive the war,” He says, like he’s rehearsed this, over and over in his head. “I want you to live to see the ocean. Can you do that for me?”

Erwin can’t see through his tears, but he nods, draws in a shaky breath.

He keeps thinking he should tell him, just say it aloud and let Levi finally know. That he’s the only person he’s ever loved after Marie.

But he never gets a chance, because within the next few moments, Levi is gone.

 

* * *

 

Levi Ackerman dies on a Tuesday afternoon, but by then humanity had long stopped counting down the days.

 

* * *

 

“Enter,” Erwin says, sat in his office, weeks after he’d washed Levi’s blood off his skin.

Hanji Zoe opens the door, steps in quietly, and closes it behind her.

For a brief moment, Erwin gets a flash of memory seeing her face. He remembers the moment when Hanji had found them, weeks ago, atop Wall Maria.

He remembers his body curled around Levi, and Hanji’s face when she had realised what had happened. He remembers the sound her knees made as they hit the wall, the way she seemed to stop breathing for moments, seconds, minutes. He remembers catching her eyes as the medics took Levi from him and the way she quickly looked away, as if seeing his pain as well as feeling her own was too much.

“Hanji,” He says, and he’s sat in his office, watching her stand in front of him.

“Commander,” She responds, her voice a shadow of what it used to be. “I have compiled my research on subject Levi Ackerman. I thought, perhaps… you would want to know the conclusion.”

He ignores the hollow pang in his chest and says, “Leave it on my desk.”

But Hanji does not move.

“Sir.”

He looks up at her, sees a steady resolve in her eyes.

“I think you would want to hear the conclusion now.”

If Erwin had been in any other state than numb, her tone would have baffled him. It was almost defiant, stripped bare of any care towards punishment, or any delight at having finished a study, as she would have been, if it were not Levi’s body in the ground.

“Fine,” Erwin allows, putting down his pen and keeping his voice void of anything beyond noise. “You have my…undivided attention.”

Hanji does not flinch under his cold stare, she simply straightens her stance, and begins.

“Researcher; Hanji Zoe, Subject; Levi Ack - ”

“Hanji,” Erwin hisses, unamused. “My undivided attention is  _limited_.”

God knows how Erwin would be able to sit through the entire dramatic reading of Hanji’s extensive research, on someone he was trying very hard not to think about, without breaking something.

Hanji readjusts her glasses, seemingly angered at having been interrupted. Erwin does not have time for her anger right now.

“My apologies,” She goes on, without a shred of sincerity. “Upon observation - ”

“ _Cut to the conclusion._ ” His voice is feral, even to his ears, but he finds it impossible to care.

“In conclusion,” Hanji bites out, gripping the paper a little too tight, “The actions of subject Levi Ackerman, as follows; sleeping in the dining hall, the stairwell, the corridor and inside of Commander Erwin Smith’s quarters - are all connected by a common denominator.”

“Which is?” Erwin prompted, after she failed to continue for longer than a few moments.

“You, Commander,” She looks at him, over the rim of her glasses, as if waiting for him to put the pieces together. “You were the one to find Levi, every single time.”

“I fail to see how that is relevant,” Erwin tells her, quickly losing his patience.

“Commander,” Hanji sighs, “As my job as an Observing Science Officer dictates, I will not brush off any circumstance as coincidence.”

“Get to the point, Hanji.”

She looks at him with something akin to pity.

“It is my personal opinion that Levi chose to sleep in these specific places on purpose,” She states, and there is a finality to her words that Erwin finds unsettling. “So as to allow you to see him in passing upon your return.”

“Meaning?”

She looks as though after all this, after insisting he heard her conclusion, she doesn't want to tell him. She looks afraid.

“Meaning, Commander,” She swallows, as if struggling for the right way to convey what she has to tell him. “That if my opinion is correct, Levi sleeping in those places was his way of… waiting for you to come home.”

Erwin doesn't react to that immediately.

He lets it settle in his mind, press against the back of his eyes until he feels his skull may burst. He feels it burn through the top of his mouth and slide down his throat, leaving an angry pain all they way down to his chest. He feels it flare inside of him, an anguish he hadn't allowed himself to pay attention to, he feels it burn red hot until there’s nothing left but ash in his gut. He feels the last little parts of himself burn out.

“Get out.”

“Sir - ”

“Get out!”  It’s the first time he’s raised his voice since the day Levi had died. But still, Hanji does not leave. Rather than scared, she looks at Erwin with a sorrow she usually reserves for the families of those who have lost their sons or daughters to the war.

Erwin hates that look.

“Erwin,” She says his name like she's calling him back from a ledge. “He loved you.”

_“I said get out!”_

The decanter of whiskey smashes to the floor when he brings his fist down hard on his desk, and this time Hanji does flinch.

She turns her face away, as if she can’t stand watching him like this. Like she did atop Wall Maria.

He doesn't look up, even when he hears the door click shut.

After minutes, possibly hours, he has no way to tell, he goes to pick up the pieces of glass on the floor. But his legs give out from under him, and even when the shards dig into his knees, he feels nothing.

_He loved you._

Erwin Smith honestly did not believe there was anything left in him to break, but upon hearing those words, something definitely did.

It started in his chest, and trickled through his rib cage. It hit every rib on the way down, drip, drip, drip, until it hit his stomach. Filled his intestine and gut, poisoned his liver until he thought he would surely die.

But Erwin Smith did not die. How could he, with Levi’s wish still in his chest?

He did not die when he saw the secrets in the basement.

He did not die when a fourth wall was built, and a fifth.

He did not die when the last of Titan kind hit the ground, next to the bloody slice of its neck.

He did not die on his journey, over fields and plains and roads long forgotten.

He lived to see the ocean. Its stretching infinite, its mirror of the sky.

He lived to feel the chill as he took off his boots, and undid his straps. He lived to hear his bare feet on the sand. He lived to take off his clothes, and stand as naked as the way he was born, looking out at the curve of the Earth.

He was alive to feel the kiss of the water press to his ankles, his shins.

And as he waded out, he felt the blood of all the people he’d lost, wash out into the sea around him. He did not stop walking when the tide reached his chin, neither when it covered his mouth, nor when it bled into his nose and stung his eyes and poured into his chest until it trickled through his ribcage, drip, drip, drip, hitting every rib on the way down.

Erwin Smith died that way.

Erwin Smith drowned in the ocean.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, my apologies, first fanfiction I've ever posted and it's sad gay anime trash. Thanks for reading, sorry for the heartache whoops, please add comments or kudos if you enjoyed :D
> 
> My tumblr is kentucky-fried-bucky, come say hi or yell at me for killing them both. Bye nerds.


End file.
